Letter for Graduates

E–I wrote this for you! Consider it your graduation present.

The rest of you can forward it to new graduates you know. It’s my column from this week.

A Graduation Letter to Myself

By Amy Gesenhues

Backyards were full of graduation parties this weekend. Balloons on mailboxes, back car windows graffiti’ed with ‘Class of 2009′ and dads standing in front of grills. The high sense of accomplishment floated through the air along with the faint odor of grilled meat. An entire population of soon-to-be-adults are setting out to start the rest of their lives.

I graduated from Floyd Central High School in 1991. I’m not going to do the math to figure out how long ago that was because it will probably make me nauseas. I started the rest of my life wanting to be a writer. Somewhere between then and now, I made some wrong turns, but learned a whole lot. Still there are a few finer points I wish I could have given myself a heads-up about, specifically three finer points that would have made things a bit easier for me.

First: I would have tattooed the words “Do what you love” on the palm of my hand so that I could read them everyday. If you want to be a writer/painter/singer/lawyer/doctor, then do it. Do something everyday that will get you closer to your dream. Whether it’s writing a poem or taking the MCAT you have to stop being afraid of what people will think of you. In the beginning, your work will be unpolished and probably not that great, but it will be your start.

In that same vein, stop trying to follow money, and start immediately following your passion. I have yet to purchase a car, piece of furniture, shoe, book, or bottle of nail polish that makes me feel as good as a compliment about my writing. Collecting stuff will not make you as happy as you think it will. You save so much more time if you figure this one out early in life.

There is no better time to concentrate on yourself and your happiness than as a young, single adult with your whole world in front of you. The shiny car and granite counter tops are not going to fulfill you if what you did to get them leaves you empty.

Second: Do not, I repeat, do not buy anything on credit. The fact that it is harder to buy on credit than it used to be is one positive outcome of today’s economic conditions. If you’re just out of high school and have to buy something with a credit card because you can’t afford it, then you probably don’t need it. The weight of your debt will be much heavier to carry around then whatever lightness of being the purchase you made on plastic gave you.

Credit card debt is a huge cross to bear. If you go into your twenties thinking that buying stuff is going to make you happy, your thirties are going to be miserable.

Third: Don’t get married. I don’t mean, don’t get married ever, just don’t get married before you have some inkling of who you are and what you want to do with yourself. I got married young. I hadn’t even had my driver’s license that long. (I think the rule of thumb should be that you have to have had your driver’s license for at least ten years before you can get a marriage license.) I got married the month after I turned twenty-three years old and had absolutely NO idea what those words meant.

Nobody tells you what follows those two tiny, tiny words. I do doesn’t just mean, “I do love you.” In fact, I’m not sure the “I do” has as much to do with love as it does compromise. Compromises like: I do promise to do things I abhor like keeping up with the house cleaning or my half of the laundry; I do promise to spend time with your family even though your brother makes my head hurt; I do promise to be honest with you no matter how little or how big I screw-up; I do promise to work through all my hang-ups with you as my partner and I promise to stay by your side as you work through your hang-ups.” (Just a quick sidebar: we all have hang-ups and nothing brings them to the forefront of our living space than marriage.)

The secret that I have learned is that you can just do; you don’t have to wait to get some “go ahead” from someone else. If you do whatever it is you love long enough, chances are you will get better at it. If you don’t do something because you fear how you will be judged, then you spend your life wishing … and unfulfilled wishes have a tendency to turn into hardcore resentment and make for bitter personalities.