I bet I beat ya

Anybody want to bet the number of Girl Scout Cookies they’ve eaten today against my total? Because I’m pretty sure I got about one entire box completed. It’s a mixture of thin mints, the caramel ones which rock, old school samoas, and one tray-roll of tagalongs.

This is my first year to do the caramel ones and I can’t imagine anything better with coffee (except maybe a cigarette, but I’m not going to start. My sister has convinced me that it IS a dirty filthy habit no matter how inviting it looks).

Usually on Wednesday nights I post an article to my Tribune column, but this week’s was really just an edited, watered down version of my Oscars bit. If you want to read it, you can find it here; but really, it’s pretty much what you’ve already read if you read Sundays.

Tomorrow night me and two of my favorite women are headed to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Kentucky Author Forum interview. I can’t wait. I eat pray love her and am sure it will be jam-packed with all kinds of good go-write-a-book mojo juice for me to carry around.

Speaking of writing, I got in about 2,000 words today no my novel which is HUGE for me. I’ve been a little slow to the page lately, but I think it’s coming back around again.

Other good news: our basement is TWO DAYS AWAY FROM BEING COMPLETE. No lie. I’ve been writing about wanting my basement done for over a year. I bet if I go back to last January I can find a wish list somewhere that has “finished basement” near the top. Well, it’s here. We had painters in today painting the walls the prettiest color of yellow I’ve ever seen and Friday the carpet will be tacked down and that will be it.

Just a quick disclaimer, I’m going to be writing about my house a lot over the next couple days (weeks?). With the basement being complete, we have revovated EVERY SINGLE ROOM of our home. Every one of them. New paint, new trim, new closet doors, new vanities, new tile, new cabinets, new carpet, new drywall…are you getting the picture?  It’s a big one for me, getting this house done. Chris and I came here with a plan a little over four years ago and now it’s coming to be.

And the Oscar Goes to…

Here’s something new for me…I’m going to blog through an event. HELLLOOOOOO nerdville, please pick-up your membership card and pocket-protector before entering.

But whatever. I’m watching it alone and I know I’m going to have a gazillion comments about what Mickey Rourke says and how hot Brad and Angie look and how the hell they could give the Oscar to anyone other than Michael Shannon, the crazy neighbor in Revolutionary Road.

First, anybody watch the Barbara Walter special beforehand? Anybody a little freaked out by the lap dance Hugh Jackman gave her? It was kinda weird right?

Second, before we get going here’s who I want to win the big five:

1. Sean Penn, Milk (best actor)
2. Kate Winslett, The Reader (best actress)
3. Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road (best supporting actor)
4. Penelope Cruz, Vicki Christina Barcelona (best supporting actress)
5. Milk or Benjamin Button (best film — Can I do that? Pick two? Of course, I can as this is my blog and I can do whatever I want. I’m sure Slumdog’s going to win anyway, so it’s not like it matters).

Alright, here we go. I’ll notate at what point I’m blogging with a quick headline in parentheses.

(Later while viewing the red carpet segment before the show)

CALLED IT! Before the Oscars ever started, Mickey R. told the red carpet reporter that he had had a tux made for his poor, tiny dog who died last week…and brought it with him to the Oscars–the tux, not the dog. Does anybody get the feeling that whoever talks to Mickey or interviews him risks getting punched in the face?

(Once the show has started)

Seriously, I’m watching this all by myself. How did this happen? My kids are asleep and my husband is downstairs putting up our bedroom closet doors.

(First award for supporting actress is called)

And Again! I CALLED IT! Yeah, Penelope!

Alright, I’ll stop the I CALLED IT comments. You guys know who I picked; I won’t do it again unless Michael S. wins because I don’t think he’s the favorite and if he gets it, it will be a little like my team scoring a touch down.

(…a little later…)

Why hello, Mr. Rogen. Aren’t you looking like a fine, slender piece of funniness. What a cutie-patootie you are. Somebody has been working out with Madonna and Gwenyth’s personal trainer. Very nice.

(immediately following Best Documentary announcement)

Anybody else hoping that The Betrayal would have won so that we could see a little more of the man with the teeth? And what’s up with the The Man on the Wire? He appears to be the Man on Crack tonight.

Um, did Tom Cruise just do a commercial for the Jimmy Kimmel show? And is it just because I’m tired and dazed from folding four baskets of laundry or was he actually kind of funny in it?

And yes,  I have skipped right over Heath’s award. He was very, very good in Dark Knight. Probably Oscar good. (Obviously, Oscar good?) But it feels kind of unfair to the other nominees. Doesn’t winning the golden guy get you all kinds of work? Steps up your career a nothch? And so now, they just gave away that opportunity to someone who doesn’t need it. Do I sound bitter because my pick didn’t win? Regardless, nice job Heath. I too wish you were still around. I also think you should have gotten it for Brokeback. That scene you did when you hug Jake’s old flannel shirt killed me.

Tonight’s drinking game should be to take a shot everytime you hear the words Slumdog Millionairre.

(while the nominees for best musical score are being heard)

Is anybody still reading this because I am exhausted and Kate hasn’t even won yet. Of course, they’re playing the compositions for best musical score and they all sound like lullabies to me. I don’t think I’m going to make it to the end.

Enough with the singing already! Is it Mickey Rourke or Sean Penn? Please don’t wait until the very end to tell us. Throw the viewers at home a bone and name best actor before we give up and let Matt Lauer tell us who won tomorrow on The Today Show.

oh surprise, surprise. Slumdog Millionaire won best song.

(And for best actress which of course they are doing before best actor, ARGH!)

It just occured to be that this new thing they’re doing with past winners giving speeches to current nominees is a bit like someone giving a wedding vow to their partner. Again, not sure if this is accurate or I am just so tire that I’m making stuff up.

Is Nicole Kidman a robot?

(finally…BEST ACTOR!!!)

Is the camera man waiting for Mickey to go batshit crazy? Or just me? If he doesn’t win and runs up on the stage all Flavor Flav-ish, it will make staying up this late worth it.

YEAH!!! Awwww, I love Sean. From Fast Times to fast men…you are really, really good at what you do and I appreciate that. Congrats. And let me just add, Robin—you look SENSATIONAL.

Did Sean just give Mickey a call-out to keep from getting punched in the face?

(Best Picture, amazingly enough, I made it to the end)

“If you have passion and belief, truly anything is possible,” Christian Colson. What a perfect quote to end on. Hope you guys enjoyed the Oscars as much as I did.

Why we can’t agree on movies

This is an actually conversation that happened between my husband and me last night (I was watching Notting Hill, with Hugh Grant):

husband: “Is this that movie where he’s a Prince?”

me: “No, this is the one where she’s an actress.”

husband: “Yeah, but what is he? Who’s he supposed to be?”

me: “He’s just a regular guy and she’s the actress and they get together.”

husband: “What’s the one where he’s a Prince?”

me: “He’s not a prince, he’s the Prime Minister and it’s Love, Actually.”

Sometimes talking movie talk with him WEARS ME OUT.

On another note…we have some fun news coming up.  Stay posted and I’ll promise to write more about it. What is it? I’m not going to say just, yet. But, I’ll tell you ten things it’s not:

1. I’m not pregnant
2. I havent’ finished my novel (yet)
3. No job changes
4. Basement is not done (again, yet…but it will be in a matter of days!!!)
5. No one has picked up my Amateur Politico column
6. My laptop isn’t fixed (yes, i’ve effed up my laptop…I’ll write another post about that one.)
7. I haven’t bought a new car even though my current car sounds like it smokes a carton of cigarettes every time I start it. It chugs and coughs and sputters, but it still drives once it gets going. I’m not quite ready to put it to rest yet.)
8. I’m not throwing an Oscar party, even though it’s one of my favorite sporting events of the year.  Maybe next year.
9. My husband is selling his 15.5′ Bass Boat (if you’re interested), but this isn’t the big news either. If you say you saw if for sale here, we’ll hand it over to you for a quick $750!
10. Our house is clean…it’s not, but if it was that would be really big news.

Holy Moly, I’m a Slacker

Who would have thought I would have gone a week without writing something here!?!

All apologies. Here’s my article for now…I’m going to tune in later. I’ve got all kinds of stuff in my head.

Bailout Blues

By Amy Gesenhues

Numbers are not my thing. I do math about as well as I drive. So me commenting on the logistics of our nation’s economy is a bit like me teaching driver’s ed. Of course, that’s not going to stop me from lamenting on our national numbers (or lack thereof), I just want to say from the start not to expect a Warren Buffet-style commentary.

Here is what I figure: over the last decade, organizations that had money to lend were selling the American dream. People were purchasing homes they couldn’t afford and buying things on credit that they didn’t need. Two-car garages were filled with shiny new cars; homes were filled with new furniture that was financed without interest for years to come. Photo books were stuffed with pictures from vacations all bought on plastic.

Is this what happened? Did the race to the American dream cause this national nightmare? Oh the irony, right?

Read rest of article.

This Week’s Column

This One Is about My Grandma E.

I was lucky enough to offer her room and board through the ice storm…here’s what I had to write about her visit:

Memories with My Grandmother

By Amy Gesenhues

This year’s ice storm brought us an unexpected, but welcomed overnight guest. My grandmother spent the night at our house when she found herself without any electricity or heat. We had not spent the night together in many, many years. I forgot how much fun it was.

Growing up, I stayed at my grandmother’s house every weekend. My mom would take me to her home on Fridays and I would stay through Sunday night. Some Fridays, I got to start the weekend early when mom would take me to my grandmother’s office in downtown Louisville.

My grandmother started her career at Southern Bell Telephone and Telegraph Company. She worked as a switchboard operator when she was a teenager and continued to work for the same company until she retired at age 55. During that time, the company went from being Southern Bell to South Central Bell to Bell South and eventually AT&T. My grandmother was there through it all, holding various positions and working her way up the corporate ladder before the term glass ceiling was something to be shattered.

I have vague memories of my grandmother’s office. She had a typewriter and a phone on her desk. There were pink and green tablets that she would let me write on, and sometimes, I was allowed to type on her typewriter. I’m sure those moments spent sitting at her desk framed my idea of what my work life would be like one day.

My grandmother now lives in Floyd County; but before she retired, her house was in Middletown, Ky., a few miles out from what would eventually be the Blankenbaker Parkway exit off of Interstate 64.

After leaving her downtown office, we would head east on I-64, making our way through the tunnels and past Oxmoor Mall. If needed, we would stop at Ehrler’s for a gallon of ice cream before heading home to watch “Dallas” and then “Falcon Crest.” Friday nights included J.R. Ewing and the president’s ex-wife: “That lady used to be married to Ronald Reagan,” grandma would tell me every time Jane Wyman would show up in a scene on “Falcon Crest.” Saturday nights were “The Love Boat” and “Fantasy Island.”

Read rest of article.

Tina and I are on the same wave length

Tina Fey has Jon Hamm of Mad Men fame playing her boyfriend on 30 Rock.

That is EXACTLY who I would have picked too, Tina.  So yummy. But, really, I think you need to make him more Don Draper-like versus the kind, soft-hearted, dog-loving, do-gooder you have him playing.

Speaking of TV, what’s up with the roman numeral show that’s on tonight? It’s got Stephen Dorff who looks less like Stephen Dorff and more like the guy who does our landscaping and Val Kilmer, who I haven’t even seen yet because I’m writing more than I’m watching. Stephen and Val may be my two most favorite I-didn’t-know-you-were-acting-anymore actors.

(I still think Val’s Jim Morrison killed compared to Jamie Foxx’s  Ray Charles. )

I ooooooooowe my soul to the company store

(to be sung to the tune of Merle Travis’ Sixteen Tons song)

You birth fourteen babes and what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
Saint Peter, don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go,
l owe my soul to the grocery store.

….and I never thought I’d have a chance to parody my most favorite coal mining song! only goes to show that you can never say never about anything, including giving birth to fourteen kids all under the age of seven.

And that’s my segue into this week’s column:

Living in a Shoe

By AMY GESENHUES

The nursery rhyme, “There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,” popped in my head whenever I had a moment to stop and think last week. “ … she had so many kids, she didn’t know what to do.” I should confess that I only have two kids. And still, three days packed securely in my house felt a bit like we were living in a shoe.

All my five-year old wanted to do was play in the snow, which I couldn’t do because the other child is only three months. All my three-month old wanted to do was cry because he is teething. This too shall pass, I thought as he slobbered down my back. My days inside were spent making chocolate milk, bottles, lunch snacks of grapes and Doritos, and endless pots of coffee.

We were extremely fortunate that our power was only out for half the day. By dinner time last Wednesday, I was able to put together enough food from my refrigerator and cupboard to feed my brother, neighbor, and Grandmother, all of whom were without electricity and heat. I also got to watch television, and the one story that got my attention every time was the new mother of octuplets.

The original press conference included the doctors who delivered the eight children. They stood behind a podium and declared that all the babies were born safely and appeared to be in good health considering the circumstance.

Eight children, I thought over and over as I made bottles of formula, changed diapers and tried my best to sooth my fussy, teething babe. Eight is enough. Eight is too many. But then we learned that there were not only the eight new babies, but six more at home-all under the age of seven.

My head exploded and I had to make another pot of coffee with an extra scoop. I needed something strong to fathom this breaking news. Fourteen kids under the age of seven. Fourteen kids under the age of seven. Fourteen kids under the age of seven. I kept thinking it to myself over and over again. She literally had so many kids that I didn’t know what to do.

Read rest of article.

Calling All Readers…I Need Your Comments

So my new plan is to take this show on the road. And by show I mean my columns and by road I mean newspapers across the country.

You can see what I’m working on at: The Amateur Politico.

I’ve got a quick favor to ask of you guys. Do you mind checking out: http://amateurpolitico.com/quick-links-to-all-my-columns/ and leave a quick comment on whichever articles sparked your interest.

Many of you have already read these pieces and some of you have commented on them when they were originally published. My goal is to collect the comments on the site so if any editors check out my stuff they can see what my readers have to say about my writing.

Alright, there it is. Now one funny thing. WordPress, the application I use to publish this blog, offers quick tips and tricks at the top of your blog’s login page. Tonight when I logged in, they were encouraging me to “own my domain” so that this blog could reside on a website that doesn’t include the word ‘wordpress’ in the URL.

My guess is that they electronically scroll through available names that are closest to what you already have posted (like when gmail or yahoo mail give you email address suggestions when your first choice isn’t available). Since AmyWroteIt is already taken (by me), here’s the best they could come up with:

www.EasyAmyWroteThisOnline.com

How funny is that?

On a less funny note…tonight Anderson Cooper asked President Obama if he has had a cigarette since being in office. It caught my interest because I’ve been thinking about cigarettes a bunch. A whole bunch. Some days I think I’ll stop at the tobacco store on Pearl Street in New Albany and see if they have clove cigarettes (I used to LOVE clove cigarettes when I was too young to be smoking).

When I heard that Anderson was going to ask the Prez if he had smoked, I told my husband, “If he says yes, than I’m buying a pack of clove cigarettes tomorrow.” Obama’s answer, “Nope.” That’s how great of a president he is. He has even stopped me from starting smoking again.

Today’s Crazy News Is Abundant

Anybody just catch the father of the fiance of Drew Peterson on ABC? Holy Moly that was GREAT morning TV.

He actually gave a shout out to Dr. Phil and I’m not exaggerating on the “shout out” front. Apparently, he called some reporters to let them know that he was going to Drew Peterson’s house to collect his daughter’s things after she broke up with the alleged wife remover. Craziness ensued when Drew would not let him in the house.

I don’t know if there are any videos of the interview online yet, but I’ll be checking throughout the day and will post if I find one. It’s phenomenal. And for two people (the daughter and her dad) who obviously will go to any lengths to be on TV, they sure are bad when it comes to interviews.

I can’t stop writing about it. It’s really must see TV.

Not Above the Influence

It appears Michael Phelps won’t be doing any AboveTheInfluence commercials any time soon. What could he say? Don’t smoke pot or you may not win a record eight gold Olympic medals? I think he just scored a big fatty for all the pot heads.

Now he is having to release an “I’m sorry” statement and may be losing some prime and profitable sponsorships. Please, let him alone; the guy won eight freaking gold medals in one week. Nobody has done that. Ever.

So what? He got high. I’m banking on the fact that it is not something he does all that often. You don’t see too many Olympic gold medalist who spend their days playing Guitar Hero with red eyes and a collection of Hostess cupcake wrappers at their feet.

It’s like when every body went ape-poop crazy because there were photos of Kate Moss snorting cocaine. Did anybody think that she didn’t do coke? She’s wears a size negative five. I thought the only way to stay that thin was mounds of coke and cartons of cigarettes.